Anxiety

I really feel this text.

I've always had underlying anxiety.
When I was at school, I was always the "shy" girl who never liked to be picked on for answers, even though I knew them. I just hid at the back of the class, hoping to be invisible.
The girl who was scared to go to Birthday parties or school discos because of how shy and insecure I was.

The girl who melted into herself and hid away because I was too worried about what the other children would say and whether they would pick on me or call me names.
It wasn't seen as anxiety when I was at school, it was just shyness.

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When I left my previous job as a receptionist/administrator, I was emotionally and mentally crippled.
My anxieties had reached new highs and my mental health had reached new lows.

I was shocked at what my mind could conjure up and what I could make myself think without even meaning to. It was scary. It was a very dark time.

Covid-19 was adding new fears, worries and pressures to life and everyone I loved felt a million miles from my reach, despite the fact that we all talked and checked in with each-other more than ever.
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I've always wanted to be a Teacher, an LSA or a Nursery worker, something school based. 

I love children, I find them fascinating and I wanted to help children who were maybe like me when I was at school - un-noticed.

When I left school myself, my life went in a different direction and life eventually got in the way of my dreams of working in a school.
I never, ever thought I'd end up working in a school, I really didn't.
However, in August 2021, I started working at Bosworth Academy as a Learning Support Assistant. 
I can honestly say it is the best thing I've ever done.
I feel like I really make a difference to the students that I work with and I really try my hardest to recognise when they might be struggling and/or having a bad day so that I can do my best to help make it right.

I absolutely love my job. It's the first time that I've felt so happy in years.
I love the school, the staff, the LSAs and the feeling it gives me, all in equal measure.

I get to learn again as well, which I am thoroughly enjoying.

I enjoy all of the subjects that I'm a part of, but I particularly love English, History and Geography!
Although, I need more History! I don't get enough lessons of that! 
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Sometimes, I still get twinges of anxiety.
Mainly in the form of overthinking...
I get myself into states of panic and worry over the smallest and silliest things.
I need to remember to be accepting of myself and to focus on doing things I want to do sometimes, instead of doing everything for everyone else.
I do tend to prioritize everyone else over myself.
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I find that music helps... soft music or Vitamin String Quartet.
I find that ASMR helps me to relax at night and sleep easier.
I drink more water, I drink less caffeine and I eat healthier nowadays.
I find that losing weight, exercise and healthy eating help to keep the mind at ease.
I love to immerse myself into books - any books will do.
I love Leicester City, I love the Leicester Tigers and I love the Leicestershire County Cricket Team and the England Cricket Team - watching cricket, especially in the Summer is one of my favourite past times. 
I love to dive into topics at school, if they're studying World War 1 or the War of the Roses, then I like to get home and do more so that I'm full of knowledge and prepared for the next lesson. It helps that I love to learn.

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I'm really looking forward to the Summer this year.
Not just because of the 6 weeks of Summer Holidays that I get 
(although, that is a bonus)

but because, I'm excited to lay in my garden, absorbed in a book with the sun beating down on me, a glass of cold iced lemonade in my hand, and just resting, relaxing and recuperating!
If I've learnt anything in the last couple of years, it's the importance of relaxation, not just of the body, but of the mind too.
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- Remember to be kind to yourself, not just others -